Preschool may be the first time to put these routines into action. As parents we relinquish some control even if we aren’t feeling ready to do so. It may help to remember that strategies and routines we set at home teach our child how to succeed when away from us. Teaching responsibility to our children goes hand in hand with involving them in the process. As our children are involved in problem-solving and decision-making, they begin to see themselves as “Problem-solvers” and “Capable-decision-makers”. Having the opportunity to practice these tasks with guidance, in the presence of their parents will lead to their sense of confidence in their own abilities.

So how about some hands-on experience?

Grade One Lunchtime

It is astonishing that a boy who can eat 2 sandwiches in the space of 15 minutes has not made it through one sandwich and a granola bar all week. He is starving when he gets home. And why is there a chocolate bar wrapper in his pocket?

Lunch is eaten in a busy gym with 200 kids all talking at once. Your son has a lot to say to his buddies and the supervisors are more worried about stopping a food fight than about getting him to eat his lunch. Then Sam has a chocolate bar that he doesn’t want and John brought gum and then it’s time to “Pack up and head out for recess everyone!”

You’re not there to enforce what he’ll eat – so whose responsibility is it that he makes healthy choices? HIS! Time for a new policy to be created with your son. It might help to ask him:

• Why do we need to put food into our bodies? (for the energy to grow and learn)
• What happens if we don’t have that energy? (We can’t do our job at school)
• What kinds of food give us energy that will last through the afternoon? (Fruit, Veggies, proteins)
• When is it ok to have a treat? (After the fruit/veggie/proteins are done)

Ultimately, it’s about him making reasonable choices about food – come up with a plan and make him responsible for choosing healthy food at home as well so he learns how – “What fruit or vegetable are you having for snack?”

Sleeping Over at Sally’s House

Off she goes to eat and sleep somewhere else. Will she use her manners? Will she have the confidence to ask for what she needs?

She will if you have planned it with her ahead of time and expect it of her at home. On the other hand, if manners are not expected at home and if you tell her what she wants or give it to her before she has to learn how to ask, she won’t every learn to do it for herself.

Discuss possible scenarios ahead of time and ask her how she would solve the problem. If she can’t figure it out with you, she’s not ready to go on her own.

Babysitting

How can he look after someone else’s kids when I’m not even sure he can look after himself? What if they misbehave? What if there’s an emergency?

Discussing emergencies with kids can be scary. But if they are old enough to have responsibilities in an emergency, they are old enough to learn about them the required strategies. Role-play or discuss possible challenges so that your son has a script for what to do if he needs to.

Homework in Jr. High

My daughter could get better grades if she just worked harder. Every day we have the same fight – why won’t she just do it?

The consequences of doing /not doing homework are your daughter’s. When you take on the responsibility of nagging her, she doesn’t have to. We often have to let our kids experience small falls to learn how to pick themselves up and go forward on their own. Work with her to create a policy that puts her in control of the homework, and the grades with you and the teacher providing guidance and support.

Independence is not easy. All children will fall – the earlier we let them do this, the smaller the cost of the mistakes. Involving our children in the policy making will give them the boost they need to be successful on their own.