With Thanksgiving dinner around the corner and other holiday meals not far behind, it might be nice to have lived in the 1500s. Many young children today would be (and actually have been) delighted to use the tablecloth to wipe their hands, often with a few dishes and a drink or two landing in their laps.

Formal family meals can strike fear or at least angst in the hearts of parents everywhere. On these occasions, with the in-laws visiting from out of town, it would be so nice for the children to sit with the adults at the table and act in a polite fashion. A common set of questions asked of Parenting Power™ during the holiday season include:

“How do I keep my daughter seated at the table?”

“What can I do to keep my son from spitting Grandma’s Brussels sprouts onto the table?”

While we are not born with manners and certainly don’t gain them by osmosis, we do learn them from those around us. Deciding upon the etiquette that is important to your family is a great place to start. Clarifying and teaching it to the children comes next. With this preparation, you can decrease some of the spills and embarrassment at the dinner table, leaving time to be genuinely thankful that everyone has come together for the meal. Here are some of Parenting Power’s™ suggestions to get you to that point.

Model manners that you would like your children to adopt

·         Leaving forks on the table when not eating with them

·         Thanking the chef for the food

·         Keeping the “Yuck,” “Gross,” and “I hate that” comments in your head

·         Learning how to have one taste and then say, “No thank you.”

Explain your expectations to the children and teach them ahead of time. A fun way to do this is by having some practice sessions of pretend dinners and tea parties.

Keep your expectations realistic

Children under 2 probably won’t stay at the table for a long time after eating without causing quite a fuss. Older children can be expected to stay longer and can wait for their same-age peers to finish.

Involve the children in the dinner conversation
It is pretty boring when all the talk is about finance and gossip when all you know is that Hot Wheels cost $1.69 and that Suzy got moved for talking in class today.

Involve the children in the preparation

Setting the table, making place cards or even preparing a portion of the dinner are all activities that can help the child to participate in and anticipate the special qualities of the meal. 

Table manners may vary depending on the table – kitchen table, Grandma’s dining room, or fancy restaurant. This is ok. What does need to remain consistent is the manner in which you express your expectations and follow through. Manners are learned over time but it is never too early start. Happy eating!