Who are Victims of Bullying?

There are also three types of children who are victims. The most typical is termed the 'passive victim.' They are anxious, cautious and sensitive children, who don't have self-esteem and self-confidence, are smaller, weaker and unpopular. They are often alone on the playground, and have few friends. They do not provoke attack and do not defend themselves. A second group termed 'provocative victims,' are physically stronger and more active than passive victims, but they do things that often provoke other children.

These children may even seek out the attention of bullies by teasing them. The third group is called 'bully victims,' and is described above. Children at risk for being bullied also include children who look different in some way, such as children with a chronic illness, special needs, learning problems, or poor behavior and social skills. As well, children who are new to a neighborhood or come from a different ethnic or cultural background are at risk for being bullied. Sometimes children who are bully victims come from families that are under stress, such as families that have recently moved or immigrated, or families that are experiencing marital problems. These categories might not describe all bullies or victims.

For instance, they don't describe psychological bullying - the kind of bullying girls are usually involved in. As well, some of the most pleasant and helpful children can be mean to their peers, and some of the most socially-skilled children can experience bullying. When to suspect a child might be the target of bullying The following is a list of clues that might suggest that a child is being bullied. Remember, these behaviors may be due to other circumstances in a child's life.

•  Trouble sleeping
•  Stomach aches
•  Headaches
•  Wetting the bed
•  Loss of appetite or over eating
•  Feeling unhappy or sad
•  Being withdrawn or socially isolated (lonely)
•  Acting in an irrational or angry manner with parents or siblings
•  Unexplained bruising
•  Reluctance to go to school or worries about going to school
•  Traveling to school by a different or roundabout route
•  Frequent visits to the school nurse
•  Preferring to stay inside for recess
•  A drop in grades
•  Unable to concentrate on homework
•  Request for extra lunch money
•  Broken or missing personal things

Where does bullying happen?

Bullying happens most often at school, and where there is minimal supervision. Bullying happens on the playground, in the classroom, and on the way to or from school. But bullying does not only happen in these situations, it can happen outside school. What are the consequences of bullying? Children who are bullied on a regular basis are often anxious, fearful, insecure, isolated, and angry. This can lead to poor self-esteem and depression. For these children school becomes an unfriendly and unsafe place, and as a result they tend to skip school. Bullying takes away from learning for all students when it disturbs the classroom, and by distracting and scaring other children. The worst outcome of bullying is when a victim becomes violent towards themselves or others. Bullying can also lead to aggressive, violent and criminal behavior by bullies when they become adults.

What to Do When You are Bullied

• Walk away from the situation. Even though you might be afraid, try not to show it. Try to ignore name calling, and try not to pay attention to a bully.
• Talk to bullies. Say with confidence that they don't frighten you. But do not say anything that might be an insult or a challenge. Be firm with bullies and they will often back down. Practice at home saying 'no' or 'leave me alone'.
• Tell a teacher, playground supervisor or parent about what happened. An adult needs to know.
• Keep a diary of what is happening to you.
• Ask your parents to visit the school and talk to your teacher about how to make the bullying stop.
• Stick close to your friends, or play close to a teacher or playground supervisor. You are less likely to be bullied when there are other people around.
• Don't fight back, because you could get blamed or hurt. Preventing bullying in schools

Schools can use several strategies to deal with bullies. These include developing a policy for the school, using classroom and curriculum material, training playground supervisors, and working directly with bullies and victims. School-based programs that raise the awareness of bullying, while also promoting positive behavior, can greatly reduce the rate of bullying. This is reinforced when children see adults taking bullying seriously, and acting together. These programs report a number of successes, including less bullying, fewer new victims, less general destructive behavior, a more cooperative atmosphere in the school, and greater student pleasure with school life.

How to deal with bullying behavior

 In dealing with bullying, it is important to focus on changing the behavior, rather than calling the children bullies or victims. What is important in a bullying incident is to find a solution. However, a child should not be allowed to get away with bullying, but should be made to apologize to the victim. This is the most effective punishment, and might include a public or private apology. This helps a child face the seriousness of their behavior, and understand their bullying is unacceptable. Children should not be punished in a way that is angry, aggressive, or humiliating, as these forms of punishment are not effective and in fact reinforce the types of negative behavior that are at the root of bullying.

Conclusion

Every child has the right to be safe from violence and intimidation, both at school and outside the classroom.. An important step is to change the attitude that bullying is socially acceptable, and to stop bullying from happening. Parents, teachers, bullies and victims are all responsible for stopping bullying. Victims should be encouraged to speak out, but they will do so only if they feel they will be believed and protected. Those who are targets of bullying should be encouraged to not give up, and to believe that bullying is unacceptable.

Internet resources

The following are Internet sites on how to deal with bullying that may be useful for both parents and children. http://www.bullying.org http://www.talk-helps.com/ http://www.schoolbullies.com/ http://www.bullying.com/ http://www.calgarypolice.com/ (section for Kids & Teens). 

Dr. Gibbard is a pediatrician in Calgary, and is currently finishing subspecialty training in developmental pediatrics.