Children thrive in predictable environments where the daily routines cause harmony and happiness. While many children adapt easily to a changing environment, there are others so demanding of the environment and rigid in their demands that changes are not welcome.

Although four and five-year-olds demonstrate fewer tendencies towards insecurity and withdrawal than the three-year-old does, occasional relapses do occur and most children will experience some school separation anxiety. Some children are more anxious than others are, and some show it more, particularly in a new setting, for example, the first days of school in a new grade.

Predictable routines provide for our children optimal conditions to deal with changes in their environment no matter how slight.  These predictable routines include regular balanced meals, proper nap and bedtimes, and familiar, consistent caregivers. Most preschool and kindergarten programs gradually introduce children and parents to their programs so the transition is an easier adaptation for everyone. The routine of having you leave—and --come back will help your child develop trust and the confidence to handle new situations.

Take advantage of this process by being involved with your child. Always talk to your child, as this will help him or her prepare for what is happening. Establish your good bye routine and stick to it. If your good-bye session includes the “just one more hug” or “walk me to the classroom” complete with a clinging, crying child, no matter how distressing, it’s predicable for your child and that may become your routine.

Joan Craven, author of Help! School Starts in September, offers these tips to ease your child’s separation anxiety:

• Prepare your child by reading books and talking about the way things will happen.
• Never sneak out. Always tell your child you are leaving and the time you will return. Be prompt.
•  Leave an article of clothing or small personal memento so your child is reassured you are coming back.
• Act out situations with puppets or dolls. Have the ‘parents’ leaving the child crying and then the parents coming back.
• Small notes left for snack or lunchtime are a very welcome connection to you.

Finally, try to watch your own body language, kids are quick to notice their parent’s anxiety and this may make a bad situation worse. Empower your child as you leave, “I know you can handle this, you’ll do great!”

If you are concerned, call the school; you won’t be the first parent who has asked someone to peek in a classroom to check on their child, in almost all cases the tears are quickly forgotten and replaced by smiles within a minutes of your leaving.  If the situation worsens or continues over a long period of time, talk to your child’s teacher for help, reassurance and if necessary new strategies. Most importantly, listen to your child as something may be causing concern that you can change.