Many adults find coping with change challenging, so it’s not surprising that young children, who are still trying to make sense of their world, struggle with this concept as well. There is a great sense of security in having things familiar and predictable. When change occurs, that very security can be shaken – often resulting in increased emotional turmoil.

How your child will cope with change or new events in their life can depend on their personality, how you as their parent(s) are responding to the change and whether the change took place over a period of time, or was the result of a sudden event.  Sometimes parents are hesitant to give their child advanced warning of an impending change – thinking it may lead to increased worry and anxiety – electing instead to let the child know at the last minute, hoping to lessen the child’s stress. For some children, this may work, while for others, a sudden change being ‘sprung on them’ may increase anxiety, thereby creating more stress for the child and leaving parent(s) trying to cope with an anxious child and deal with a new event.

Strategies to cope with change:

•  If it’s a change that directly affects your child (i.e. going to a new school), talk with your child about the upcoming change. Plan this conversation for a time when you are able to give them your undivided attention and can answer their questions.

•  Drive or walk by the new school.

•  If there is an orientation, attend it with your child so they can see where they will be going to school. A lot of anxiety around change is rooted in the unknown, creating familiarity can reduce some of the stress.

•  If possible, meet other children who will be going to that school in the same grade as your child. Try to build connections before school begins.

•  If possible, connect with children who already attend the school so they can talk with your child, in ‘kid lingo,’ about what the school is like.

•  Talk with your child about what the ‘getting ready for school routine’ will be like. Will they be going after breakfast or after lunch? Discuss how they will get to school. Will they be taking a bus, driving with parents, or walking? Do a trial run of this routine before school begins.

•  Try to make things associated with going to school fun – picking out a new school bag, back-to-school clothes, etc.

•  If your child is moving on from preschool into an elementary school (often referred to as “the big kid school”) and showing some anxiety about leaving one setting and going to another, put together a memory book. This book could consist of pictures of preschool friends, the actual preschool building, class, and teachers. Assist your child in writing down their favorite preschool memories like whom their friends were, their favorite outfit to wear to school, activities they liked to do, etc. Include arts and crafts that were completed while attending preschool. In addition, try to maintain some of the preschool friendships through ongoing playdates, if children are going to different elementary schools.

•  Begin a new memory book about the new school - pictures of their first visit to the elementary school, first time at the playground, etc. This helps illustrate to your child that they are going to build new memories while still having something tangible to reflect on about their accomplishments and past experiences.

•  If your child seems to be getting ‘stuck’ in the change several months after starting, for example, Kindergarten (i.e. your child repeatedly talks about the preschool they no longer attend; how much they miss their school, teacher and friends; becoming emotional every time they reminisce), assist your child in ‘moving along’ in their story. Be supportive, “Yes, you no longer go to preschool,” and normalize their feelings, “I can tell you’re feeling sad. Lots of people feel sad when something ends.” Then, shift the conversation to how things have moved on. “Since you stopped going to preschool, you started going to Kindergarten, and you have new friends. Who are they? What’s your teacher’s name? What things do you learn at Kindergarten? What’s your favorite thing to do at Kindergarten?” Try to guide the child in a direction that illustrates to them that they have moved on and highlight positive things that have happened as a result.

•  For some children, they need to talk about changes over and over. It can be – in a sense – a grieving process when something ends. This is their way of processing events and developing an understanding of what happened. Although it may be mind-numbingly difficult to still talk about why your five-year-old no longer goes to preschool, six months after they started Kindergarten, follow their lead. As time goes on, your child should not only be able to tell their story of attending preschool, but also of moving on to Kindergarten. New experiences are an opportunity for your child to learn how to cope with change, and these early experiences in building coping skills will set the foundation for how your child will cope with change as they grow.

Stephanie, MSW, RSW, ECE III, is a mother of two, and has worked with many children and families through a number of city agencies and child care settings.