Anything sound familiar? To many busy parents, these messages are increasingly common, quick fixes for everyday problems. Anything that involves taking a short cut, or freeing up some valuable time is very attractive in today’s society.

• If we can make it faster, why take a slower route?

How is this fast pace of life today compatible with the teaching of delayed gratification? Is it outdated? Unnecessary? Impossible? In simple practical language, what is delayed gratification and will today’s children be lacking in any valuable skills in the future if it is not encouraged? Delaying gratification involves waiting before fulfilling a want (not a need!).

What are the long term benefits of delayed gratification?

• Does it encourage patience management? The more we practice being patient, the easier it becomes.
• Does it encourage increased appreciation and value for something because we have had to wait for it?
• Does it encourage responsible money management, where we delay until we can really afford to buy something?
• Does it encourage good problem solving skills, which require the time to brainstorm possible solutions?
• Does it encourage participation in age appropriate activities, until we are mature enough to handle the responsibilities involved? If the answer to one or more of all of these questions is YES, then there is a need to look at some very concrete and practical ways that parents can address delayed gratification.

Situation Delayed Gratification Response

• Three-year old asks for a cookie. “You can have one cookie now, or you can pick up your toys and have two cookies when you finish.”
• Five-year-old wants to watch his/her favorite movie NOW! “There isn’t time to watch all of it now, but if you wait until after supper, we can watch it together and I’ll make some popcorn!”

• Ten-year-old wants a new video game. “These games are very expensive, we can’t afford another one right now. If you save up your allowance for the next month, I’ll split the cost of a new game with you then.”
• Fourteen-year-old wants a trendy new jacket even though the old one is still in perfect condition. “I can understand how much you’d like the jacket, but it is not a necessary expense at the moment. If you really want it, you’ll have to earn extra money to buy it for yourself.”
• Any age (including adults!) involving the opening of presents. “Why don’t you try to guess what is inside before opening it?”

Obviously there are many situations that do not lend themselves to delaying gratification. As parents today, we are constantly bombarded with the message that faster is better. The challenge lies in choosing situations in which delayed gratification will be both applicable and appropriate.