For eight years I taught my son not to get in a car that didn't have a seat belt for him. I taught him to say ‘No’ to any adult that would urge him otherwise. It still didn't work. He, along with two other boys, succumbed to peer pressure, and didn't question the decision making of the adult in authority.

Peer Pressure is influence from people of the same age, group or affiliation, to behave in the same way regardless of individual attitudes, feelings, or beliefs. It can be positive and healthy, or negative and destructive. And it's with us all our lives. Even as adults.

Humans have a basic need to belong, in our family, peers and our social groups. However, peer pressure is most influential in middle childhood and adolescence, when your child is venturing forth and discovering his self-identity outside the safe confines of the immediate family. Our children's desire for acceptance is normal and a healthy developmental stage. Our goal as parents is to help our children cope with negative peer pressure while growing to healthy independence.

My kids go to Scouts, Guides, sports groups, friend's houses, sleepovers, church groups, classes, and they socialize with the other 15 children that live on our street. They are exposed to video games, brand name clothing, scooters, swear words, graffiti, dares, and of course, negative attitudes. Some of these are good influences and some are not-so-good depending on how these influences fit with our family norms.

Our children are going to encounter values, attitudes and beliefs that are different from our families' values throughout their lives. So what can parents do? Parents can subtly influence the choice of peers, but cannot control the choice completely.

There is much parents can do to influence peer relations if they know three main points:

1. The need for acceptance in a peer group will become much greater if the child's needs are unmet by family. These needs are: acceptance of themselves, unconditional love, understanding, fun, the need for control and autonomy, the need of skill mastery and self-confidence.
2. The more the child needs approval, the greater the possibility he will override his beliefs and attitudes with the prevailing behavior of the peer group.
3. Children often find their unrealized personality characteristics in friends. For example, a shy child will gravitate toward a more outgoing child. the positives of Peer Pressure

Peers provide encouragement and challenge to engage in positive activities. A good example is the popularity of Harry Potter books. Many parents are overjoyed to find their children reading what their peers are reading. Peers can provide positive pressure to join a soccer team, stop bad habits, work on community projects, eat healthier, or even set up a business. Peers also ease some of the stress in the major transitions in life by providing security and confidence. Peers listen, understand, and provide a sounding board. Children need to go out in the world and test the values learned at home. The peer group is the next logical step in the world, as well as peer's parents and other adults in the workplace, and volunteer settings.

Peers teach compromise, negotiation skills and fair play. We can teach our children all we want about losing graciously in a soccer game, but a friend will teach our child actual consequences if they display obnoxious behavior. They might not speak to them for a while. Another positive is that children gain experience in reading the social norms of groups, which is excellent practice for being a discerning adult.