Difficult? Challenging? Spirited? Whatever terminology is used, parents soon realize that though the environment may be the same, children are very different and some require far more energy, patience and resources to raise.

To understand why this is so, three doctors Chess, Thomas & Birch, in 1956 began a longitudinal study of child development in order to understand the interaction between temperament and environment.  

Temperament is the how of behavior not the why. If Johnny is told that he can't have a cookie, how strongly does he protest? How easy is it to distract him? His initial response is based primarily on his own temperament. Parent's reaction to his behavior can influence future patterns, but was not the initial cause.

Nine individual characteristics, or temperament traits were identified in children and it is usually the strength of the behavior on several of these traits, that cause parents to use the label of challenging or spirited.

1. ACTIVITY LEVEL: How active or restless is the child? From infancy some babies are observed to be far more active than others. Even when quiet or sleepy some babies move arms, heads, kick off covers, where others are very still. Trying to change or feed a child with a high activity level requires a great deal of energy, patience and creativity. For older children, involvement in lots of activities can be a positive way to channel their high activity level.
2. DISTRACTIBILITY (PERCEPTIVENESS): The degree of concentration on a task, how easy is it to divert the child's attention? This is often a characteristic that parents like in very young children, but it can cause concern as children get older "He won't concentrate on his work". Children who are easily distracted are also more perceptive to their environment.
3. INTENSITY: How loud the child is, whether happy or sad. How much energy is expended by the child in conveying his/her needs. The level of intensity is easier to spot in an extroverted child. Introverted children may have the same intensity level, but initially it may not be as easy for the parent to respond to the need.
4. REGULARITY: Children vary in the regularity of all their bodily functions. Patterns of sleep, appetite, bowel movements, can be anticipated more readily with some children. Children with regular bodily rhythms tend to become more upset by changes in schedules or routines. Children with irregular bodily functions are more difficult to fit on schedules.
5. PERSISTENCE: How a child can continue an activity in the face of difficulty, or resume the activity after an interruption. Positive persistence involves staying with an activity to complete it. Negative persistence would be demonstrated through the child's refusal to forget an issue or accept an answer.
6. SENSORY THRESHOLD (SENSITIVITY): How does the child react to any stimulation of the senses? Noise, crowds, bright lights, rough or smooth clothing, hot or cold temperature? How discriminating is the child with taste? (Can foods be easily disguised?) How tolerant is the child to being wet? Tolerance to pain? How much sensory stimulation is required before a response?
7. APPROACH/WITHDRAWAL: Characteristic response of a child to a new situation (people, places, foods, new activity). Is the initial response positive "I'm mildly interested" or is it totally negative (child prefers to withdraw). How resistant is the child to new situations, for example, the first trip to the swimming pool?
8. ADAPTABILITY: How does a child deal with transition and change? Here we are concerned with the ease or difficulty experienced by the child when changes occur. The reaction to surprises, bed time routines, stopping a game, sleeping in a new bed, holidays. How easy is it to modify the child's environment?
9. MOOD: What is the child's basic disposition? Outgoing? Positive? Serious? Some children are more analytical and smile less than others. When waking up, is the child generally happy, or miserable? Like the climate, the quality of a child's mood can have a strong effect on others.

Tips For Coping With Your Child's Personality (Managing)

• Step back emotionally and understand your child's personality, recognizing that innate behavior is not your fault. 
• Recognize that all temperament traits can be shaped to work to a child's advantage, if they are sensibly managed. 
• Look at the "other" side of the temperament trait, the "flip side" of the coin, to help us break our negative attitude or label we may have attached to the child.
• Step back from behaviors, and remind yourself that his or her negative attitudes or irregular habits may be ones a child cannot control.
• Develop specific plans ahead of time, to cope with the troublesome behaviors. eg.- lots of warning for upcoming changes. Specific step by step instructions, for child who has difficulty persisting; avoidance of attention for child who has temper tantrums. Consistent routines for child who has irregular bodily functions. Lots of opportunities for choices, to avoid power struggles with stubborn children; and clear, negotiated rules. 
• Learn to distinguish between behaviors that are temperamentally induced, and those that are learned. (ie - a child who really doesn't want to try a new food, because of innate reluctance (approach/ withdrawal), versus a child who is into a power struggle, and deliberately being awkward.)
• Work on the child's self esteem, help the child develop a positive sense of self, aware of his or her strengths and weaknesses.
• Always look at programs and suitability to the needs of the child, rather than our need to have them conform or fit into a mold.

The challenging children of today, are often the leaders of tomorrow, keep a sense of humour now, so that you'll survive to see them.