The worried child, for the purposes of this article, is the child who will take things to heart and will ruminate about it. They do not seem to be able to enjoy things unless they are worrying. There are a couple of explanations for this type of behavior. One is that some people seem to be temperamentally predisposed to this. The other explanation that it is a learned behavior and they have found it is effective in reducing their anxiety. Either way this behavior can be modified and managed more effectively.

Children experience many worries in their life – exams, moving, divorce, friendships, wars, storms, monsters under the bed, ghosts, UFO’s on so on. Some fears are developmentally appropriate and they will grow out of them. Realizing there are no monsters under the bed means your child has gained mastery over their fear. Gentle encouragement, a night-light, routines before bedtime, and demonstrating that there is nothing there will help your child to overcome their fear. Reading books about children who have had similar fears can help too. Other worries may make your child feel they do not have control over a situation and this is where you can teach your child ways of coping.

Kids who engage in worrying are thinkers therefore the most effective approach is through their intellect. Teaching organizational skills to the child who is worried about their schoolwork provides an important life skill. They are showing responsibility by being worried but need the skills to get the job done. Sometimes it may mean talking to your child’s teacher to explain the situation and to see if anything can be done. Your child is probably not the only one who is nervous about the upcoming assignment so strategies that can be employed in the classroom will benefit many others too. Some teaching strategies might be to break the task down into smaller units and have clear dates for when these are due. Working in groups will sometimes give support to children who are more anxious.

Let your kids know that it is okay to make mistakes. Some children feel they need to be perfect and create anxiety through unrealistic expectations. At times you may be able to encourage them to try and fail and then learn from that. Some kids I see enjoy playing a form of checkers where the first person to get all their pieces jumped wins. In this case if they lose they win and they learn that it is okay to "lose".

Use praise and rewards when you see your child handling a situation well. Be careful not to go overboard with it as this too might cause some anxiety. Be descriptive and report what you saw. For example, "I like the way you looked at the audience when you gave that presentation". Use language that is supportive and avoid words and images that your child might internalize such as "shy" or "nervous". Avoid criticizing poor performance and look for things they did well.

Other coping techniques you might want to teach your child are relaxation and distraction. Deep breathing techniques can be effective with children from about 9 years of age and up. For younger children they may benefit from removing themselves from the situation for a while or by clenching and releasing their fists discreetly as a way to release tension. Distraction is when your child will think or do something else for a short time in order to calm down. It is important that they not use either technique as a way of avoiding. They need to learn these are short-term solutions and the work still needs to get done.

The public library and bookstores carry tapes for children on relaxation.Above all we need to let our children know that worry is normal and that it is the way our minds and bodies tell us something is wrong. Learning to cope by using organizational skills and relaxation techniques are helpful. You will need to use praise and teach strategies to your child. Sometimes intervening to help modify the environment where your child is experiencing their worry is necessary. Be positive and send messages of encouragement.