Understand A Little More About Your Parenting Style 

Why does one parent feel compelled to sweep every crumb of cereal off the floor, and make all the beds, before leaving the house, often resulting in being late for an appointment, yet in the same situation, another parent can quite happily say, "I'll do it all later-the crumbs won't go anywhere"?

We need to acknowledge that parents are very different, with individual strengths and struggles. One way of explaining and understanding these differences is to take time to look at the "Personality in Parenting"- both the child's and the parents'.

Knowledge of personality type can encourage more harmony in family dynamics and also increase the effectiveness of parenting techniques. The M.B.T.I. (Myers Briggs Type Indicator) is an instrument that was developed by Katherine Briggs and Isabel Myers to help people identify their natural preferences, and to see how these impact upon relationships at home and at work.

The first dimension of personality type deals with energy. Are you an extroverted person, energized by the outer world of people, places and things. Or are you an introverted person, energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas? Every person has introverted and extroverted times in each day but using our non-preference can be more stressful.

Why is this information important to know?

Extroverted parents may naturally gravitate towards enrolling children in lots of extra-curricular activities, which may be great for extroverted children but very stressful for introverts.

• Introverted parents may struggle with a child's need to have an instant answer, while the parent's preference is, "I need to think about it!"
• Extroverted parents may have more difficulty understanding an introverted child's need to be alone, rather than socializing with friends.
• Introverted parents may gravitate more towards driving the child to the activity but not participating with him or her.
• Extroverted parents with young children may struggle more with the restrictions imposed on them socially.
• Introverted parents may gravitate towards spending time with each child as an individual rather than insisting that everything is done as a family.
• Extroverted parents may struggle with a child's need for private space.
• Introverted parents may naturally gravitate towards encouraging children to play at home, rather than joining outside activities.
• Extroverted parents may enjoy talking and interacting with extroverted children, anxious to hear all about their days at school, while introverted children may not be as responsive as the parents would wish.
• Introverted parents may struggle with the constant noise and energy level of children and the lack of opportunity to get away and be alone. To an extroverted parent, "my time" could be defined as a night out with all the group. To an introverted parent, "my time" could be defined as an evening alone with a good book.

What type are you?

1A. Do you prefer to initiate the conversation?
1B. Do you prefer to be spoken to first?
2A. Do you feel energized after being around crowds of people?
2B. Do you feel drained after spending time with lots of people, especially strangers?
3A. Do you prefer to solve problems by talking them over with others first, and then thinking about them?
3B. Do you prefer to solve problems by thinking about them first, and then talking about them with others?
4A. When asked a question, do you generally give quick responses, then think about what you have said?
4B. When asked a question, do you prefer to think about your answer first before replying?
5A. Do your friends consider you very easy to get to know?
5B. Do your friends say it took a long time to get to know you well?
6A. Are you comfortable being singled out and given lots of attention in a large group?
6B. Are you comfortable receiving one-on-one, private attention or recognition?
7A. Do you find it easy to share your thoughts and feelings with people you don't know?
7B. Do you find it difficult to share you thoughts and feelings with strangers?
8A. Is your initial reaction to conflict, "Let's talk about it!"?
8B. Is your initial reaction to conflict, "I need to go away and think about this."?

Total the number of checks. A majority of "A's" would indicate a preference for EXTROVERSION . A majority of "B's" would indicate a preference for INTROVERSION .

To an extroverted parent ‘my time’ could be defined as a night out with all the group. To an introverted parent ‘my time’ could be defined as an evening alone with a good book. If we are extroverted parents, we are usually more energized by the outer world of people and things. If we are introverted parents, we are energized by the inner world of thoughts and ideas. Knowing and understanding about our natural preference for extroversion or introversion can especially help with communication at home.

The second dimension concerns information. When we are taking in information, what do we notice first and pay most attention to? Do we need lots of detailed instructions, specific examples, ideas that are concrete and practical? People who trust the details first are said to have a preference for Sensing (S). If, on the other hand, we are able to consider the general idea first, looking at the future possibilities, considering more abstract theories and relationships, we are said to have a preference for Intuition (N). Both preferences are used by all of us, but understanding our natural fit can help us appreciate differences in others and recognize our struggles.

Why is This information important to know?

•  A sensing parent may naturally gravitate towards paying more attention to the time children go to bed, how much sleep they have, what they are eating, how much and when they eat.

•  An intuitive parent may gravitate towards being less fixed on the specific details and being more prepared to see other possibilities i.e. “He may sleep in longer tomorrow if we let him stay up tonight.”

•  A sensing parent may place more emphasis on keeping the family routines and traditions, “Let’s not change things.”

•  An intuitive parent may be the one who suggests new ideas like a different routine for the family.

•  A sensing parent may find themselves noticing the little things that have not been completed instead of focusing on the general effort made.

•  An intuitive parent may focus on the general instructions that were given and not realize that a lot of details had been missed.

•  A sensing parent may struggle with some of the imaginative stories that children want to tell or act out, or may not appreciate the “different” approach to a school project. The temptation is usually to say, “This is the right way to do it.”

•  An intuitive parent may struggle with the prescribed way of doing an assignment preferring to show the child a different way. This can cause conflict with the child, “But mom, we’re not allowed to do it like that!”

•  A sensing parent may become overly focused on small details and miss hearing the main point that a child is trying to make.

•  An intuitive parent may struggle to listen to all the details that a child wants to give, with a temptation to say, “Okay what’s the bottom line here?”

To a sensing parent, ‘my time’ could be defined as an opportunity to feed the senses through new clothing, music, a clean house or yard.

To an intuitive parent, ‘my time’ could be defined as an opportunity to entertain new ideas and possibilities, dream up future projects.

Column A

o  Do you notice the little details first, the crack on the wall, the crumbs on the floor?

o  Do you like specific instructions if you have to find a new place e.g. landmarks, distances, exact time it should take?

o  Do you consider yourself realistic and practical, often described as having lots of common sense?

o  Do you prefer to give and be given lots of examples when you speak, listen or write?

o  Do you prefer to
give the facts first, sometimes forgetting to get to the main point?

o  Do you prefer to solve the practical concrete problems, finding abstract ones less interesting?

o  When something has to be assembled, do you like the idea of having step-by-step instructions?

o  When traveling, have you often been told you’ve packed “everything but the kitchen sink”?

Column B

o  Do you notice the size of the room, the view from the window, possibilities for the yard?

o  Do you find too many details boring, “Just give me the general idea I’ll find the place.”

o  Do you consider yourself to be more imaginative, open to different possibilities?

o  Do you prefer to be general and abstract when you speak, listen, or write, without needing all the examples?

o  Do you prefer to give the main point first, and sometimes forget to give any details?

o  Do you find yourself more impatient with practical problems, preferring to solve more abstract ones?

o  Do you find it preferable to see if you can put it together instinctively first, without bothering with all the instructions?

o  When traveling have you often found yourself missing something that you needed?

A majority in column A would indicate
a preference for sensing.

A majority in column B would indicate
a preference for intuition.