If you really want to know what is going on at school, you need to ask better questions. A good question cannot be answered with a single word. A really good question gets a natural conversation going. Regularly engaging your children in interesting conversations will help keep the lines of communication open as your children grow and mature.

Does this sound familiar? Your child comes home from school and you ask, “How was school today?” and your child grunts a barely audible, “Fine.”

Most parents have suffered through the extreme frustration of trying to get more than a one-word answer to this question. The problem is not with our desire to know what is going on at school – the problem is with the question itself. Asking, “How was school today?” is equivalent to asking, “How are you?” The answers are likely to be limited to either, “Fine” or “Lousy.” Both of these questions are actually casual greetings – they do not invite conversation.

Here are some great questions to get your kids talking. Ensure that you really listen to what your children say in response. You may get some deep insights into their lives at school.

Try these in September:

What is your teacher’s name?

What is she/he like? Tell me about her/him.

What do you think of your teacher so far? Why?

What do you like the most and the least about your teacher? Why?

Which of your friends are in your class?

Is there anyone you wish was in your class? Why?

Where is your seat? Do you like where you are?

Can you see and hear okay?

Who sits near you?

Do you like the kids seated by you? If not, why not?

Have you met anyone new?

What are they like?

Are there any activities, clubs or sports that you want to sign up for?

Why does that interest you so much? Do you like the feeling in your class this year? How would you describe it?

Ask these throughout the school year:

What is the best thing that happened at school today?

What is the worst thing that happened at school today?

What was the highlight of your week at school?

What was the low point of your week at school? Tell me more about that.

Is there anyone in your class (or at school) who makes you uncomfortable? In what way?

Which friends are you closest to this year?

How is everyone getting along this year? Are there any new conflicts?

Is there anyone you’d like to invite over someday?

What subject do you like the most this year? What makes it your favorite?

What subject are you finding the toughest? What makes it so challenging? What would help make things a bit easier?

What kind of year are your friends having? Is everything going well for them?

A word of warning - don’t ask too many questions at once. You want to engage your child in a conversation, not an interrogation. Sprinkle the questions over time. The best time to ask these questions is when your child is a captive audience, such as during dinner or while driving. Funnily enough – right after school is probably one of the worst times to talk – kids are usually hungry and tired. Use these questions or create your own – just get your kids talking and then sit back and listen. A whole new world may be revealed to you…


Catherine is a professional facilitator, speaker and mother of 12-year-old twins. Learn more about her new book Talk about Anything with Your Kids – An Easy Guide to Great Conversations and sign up for free Parenting Tips at www.talkaboutanything.ca.