What if those conversations happened before the crisis?
Independent Living
“People who tour our facility often say that they wish they would have done so sooner. That is one of the most common things we hear,” says Brandi Young, director of resident services at Trico LivingWell.
Trico LivingWell is a senior living community in Calgary with programs for independent adults, assisted living, and memory care.
For many parents, the idea of touring an independent living community can feel like admitting defeat. So often when adult children bring their parents in to look at options, it’s accompanied by reluctance and fear of change, losing independence, or what others might think. Brandi says these are misconceptions rooted in the past.
Natalie Tommy, vice president of marketing for Nautical Lands Group/Wellings, says independent living facilities are not places where life slows down. Many are vibrant communities where lifestyle improves with social activities, creative classes, and opportunities for new friendships.
Wellings Communities are modern, 55-plus lifestyle communities offering independent, maintenance-free living with a focus on social connection and choice, rather than traditional care services, for active adults who want to simplify life without losing independence.
“We invite the family and eventual member to picture their life without the daily home maintenance,” she says.
“Imagine the comfort, the convenience, and the freedom that comes from letting go of the everyday tasking. You will have increased energy to do the things you enjoy doing, take a fitness class, invite your neighbor to dinner, play cards, go walking. You do whatever you like to do at your own pace.”
Start Early
Planning ahead and starting the conversation early gives everyone time to explore options with calm and curiosity rather than urgency and stress. It allows the focus to stay on what matters most: your parent’s preferences, hobbies, social life, and quality of life.
“It’s important to start looking before the senior needs help. When they are well and can really consider what they want in a new place to live,” says Brandi.
“Many who come here reluctantly to appease their adult children are pleasantly surprised.”
Whether someone wants a sunny space to bake cinnamon buns, or an underground garage for winter’s icy mornings, Brandi recommends doing some homework together.
“I would advise that families check out three to five facilities and see what your parents like,” she says. Natalie agrees.
“Stop and listen to what your loved one wants,” she adds.
“Often what families look for is different to what the actual member may want. In the end, it’s their life. It’s important to respect their wishes.”
What to Say
Brandi often starts tours with a question that grown children can ask their parents.
“I like to ask them, ‘If you were given a magic wand, what would you want in a community on your best day?’” she says.
Then families can go forward and look for retirement communities that offer those options.
Natalie suggests a similar approach. “At Wellings, we always delve into the lifestyle they see for themselves moving forward,” she says.
“We ask if their current living situation, location or size of home is suiting their needs now and for the future. We use language like ‘rightsizing their life.’”
Talking about aging isn’t easy, but starting early gives parents and their children space to explore options together – thoughtfully and with respect for each person’s right to choose what comes next. And that’s a conversation worth having long before it becomes urgent. CCM
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