I think many of us can relate to Deanna, mom of three girls (one a teen), when she says, “Dating? Not my babies!” My own first date happened when I was 16-and-a-half, and my parents were hard-core: if I missed curfew by one minute, I was grounded for two weeks (I was grounded quite often). For me, 13 or 14 would have been too young for dating because boys still freaked me out then, and I had no siblings to learn from.
Many parents take the issue of teen dating on a case-by-case basis because every kid is different. Some are more mature at age 15, while some may not be ready for a first date until age 19. “We don’t have a set age yet for dating, and our oldest is 14. I think a numerical age is way too hard to pinpoint because of different maturity levels. I do see being a responsible driver as somewhat related to being able to handle dating,” says Wendy Budetti, mom of five.
Some parents see dating as a means to finding a spouse, so why start so early? Instead, group dating might be encouraged. Mall dates are a great place to start when kids are in junior high. Kids can meet up to walk around, shop, hit the food court and maybe see a movie. Some parents will stay and sit at the back of the theatre with an eagle eye while some do the drop-off thing.
House dates are a next step for teens (or parents!) who may not be quite ready for one-on-one dating yet. Tonya, mom of a teenage daughter says, “My daughter is 17 and for the last year or so, I have allowed her to have a boy come over and watch a movie or play a board game as long as I am home, and her room is off limits!”
Sean Covey’s book, The 6 Most Important Decisions You’ll Ever Make: A Guide for Teens, talks about teens being ready to date and knowing the difference between ‘intelligent’ and ‘brainless’ dating. Intelligent dating is not making decisions based on hormones, popularity, money and what the crowd is doing. Brainless dating is the opposite.
When you feel your teen is ready for one-on-one dating, keep these pointers in mind:
Kim, a mother, puts it well, “I think the best thing you can do is set the rules and guidelines for your daughter or son and do not let society set them. It’s called: you have to parent them, not be their friend and not be their matchmaker.”
Kerrie (www.thekerrieshow.com) is ‘that’ mom of five who will greet potential dates with a running chainsaw.
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