If you’ve ever thought:
Here’s something most people won’t tell you: You don’t need more motivation to change your life. You need a decision.
Growing motivation through decision
Often times when we feel tired and unmotivated we practice one of three things:
Motivation doesn’t happen when you suddenly feel confident or when you stop overthinking.
It also doesn’t spawn when you get it done at the last minute because you feel you have no other choice or when everything makes sense. Motivation begins the moment you decide.
The moment you say to yourself:
“I can’t keep doing this like this.”
“Let’s do something different.”
“I’m ready… even if I’m scared and don’t know how.”
That moment matters more than you think.
Because decision creates direction.
Why you feel stuck (it’s not because you’re lazy)
Let’s clear something up right away: Being stuck doesn’t mean you’re lazy. And you’re definitely not broken or alone in this experience.
Feeling stuck usually means:
So your brain does what it thinks will protect you: It pauses. It avoids. It overthinks. It freezes. And it looks like a lack of motivation.
The truth about motivation that changes everything
You might be waiting to feel motivated before you start something. Waiting to feel ready before applying for work. Holding out for energy before starting that movement routine. Pausing for the “right” time to call that crush.
But motivation doesn’t come first. Action does.
Psychology research shows that when you take even a small step forward, your brain starts to build momentum and belief.
Psychologist Albert Bandura found that confidence isn’t something you wait for, it’s something you build by taking action and seeing yourself follow through.
“Action Motivation Loops” means that motivation often comes after you start, not before. Even small steps can create momentum in your brain and make it easier to keep going.
And if you’re still not convinced, research in something called “Behavioural Activation” shows that taking small actions, even when you don’t feel motivated, can actually increase motivation and improve how you feel over time. This essentially means:
You don’t need to feel ready or fully confident.
You just need to decide.
Deciding doesn’t mean you’re not scared
Just to clear this up, deciding doesn’t mean:
It means you’re willing to feel all of that and still move forward.
Deciding:
… doesn’t make it easy. It makes it possible.
You have to feel it
You’re going to feel uncomfortable sometimes. Maybe even a little…
Awkward.
Nervous.
Doubtful.
Scared.
That’s part of doing something new or different.
But you also need to practice feeling the way you want to feel.
Because if you only focus on pushing through the discomfort, you miss the other half of the equation. The part that actually builds momentum, belief, and change in your nervous system.
If you want to become someone who is:
You can’t wait until those feelings show up. You have to start practicing them.
Starting in small ways. Even if it’s just a memory first and feels a little unfamiliar.
Try this:
Before you do whatever it is you need to like:
Ask yourself:
“How do I want to feel while I do this?”
Maybe it’s:
Then go one step further with this and go beyond just thinking about the word.
You want to feel it
Your nervous system (brain and body) likely already knows these feelings.
So go find one moment:
If you can, close your eyes for a second and remember it.
Where were you?
What were you doing?
What did it feel like in your body?
Now bring this feeling into this moment.
Even if it’s just five percent.
Even if it’s a tiny shift.
That’s enough.
The practice is the real shift
This won’t feel natural right away. You might forget to do it or may even want to roll your eyes at first. You might try it once and think, “That didn’t work.”
That’s okay. This is a practice. You’re literally training your nervous system to access new states on purpose. Over time, those feelings become easier to access.
It starts to feel more familiar and more you. Now, you’re no longer waiting to feel motivated. You are actively creating it. One decision, one action, and one feeling at a time.
Chantal Menard Côté, R.Psych., is a Registered Psychologist, teen life coach, and founder of Pyramid Psychology. She is passionate about helping teen girl athletes and their parents navigate anxiety, life transitions, and emotional challenges with greater confidence, resilience, and connection.
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