Back-to-school is a natural time to reset. We buy new school supplies, replace worn-out backpacks, and settle into new routines. It's also the perfect opportunity to reset family technology habits before homework, extracurricular activities, and busy schedules take over.
We aren’t here to preach to you about the impacts of screens on development. As parents, we have heard all the most gruesome data and impacts that technology can have on a developing brain. What we want to do is empower you to connect with your children, and collaboratively make a plan for what screentime looks like in this back-to-school season.
Don’t make social media and technology the enemy: This can be hard to do. It can be tempting to think that getting rid of social media or limiting every minute of screentime will solve the problem. But technology isn't inherently good or bad, it depends on how it's being used. For children, tweens, and teens, the online world offers opportunities to connect with friends, explore interests, express creativity, and learn new skills.
At the same time, social media platforms are intentionally designed to capture attention through endless scrolling, notifications, and likes, making it difficult for even adults to put their phones down. Instead of treating technology as the enemy, think of it as something your child needs to learn to navigate with your guidance. The goal isn't to control every click, but to stay involved, curious, and connected so they don't have to navigate the online world alone.
Less focus on time, more focus on healthy habits: Technology isn’t going away, and our kids have access to it in ways that we never had when we were growing up. Rather than asking, "How many hours were you on your phone today?" consider asking, "How are you using your phone?" Healthy technology habits involve much more than the amount of time spent on a screen.
Think about:
Helping children understand why healthy habits matter prepares them to make good choices when you're not there to remind them.
Functional boundaries that will actually work: Start small and simple with predictable times of day that are screen-free (mealtimes are an excellent starting point). Have a house rule about no phones in the bedroom overnight, as this promotes better sleep, improved mood and attention. Along with this, have a designated charging station where all the devices can go during screen-free time or before bedtime. Create a balance of screentime with opportunities for physical activities. Predictable routines reduce daily power struggles because children know what to expect instead of negotiating the rules every day.
Build rules together: Children, especially tweens and teens, are more likely to follow expectations that they have helped to create. You can put together your own agreement, or you can easily find many templates online to help guide your conversation around healthy tech rules. Keep in mind that these are family agreements involving everyone. If there are consequences to breaking the rule, make sure they are clear, reasonable and understood by everyone. And remember that this is a living document! Keep reviewing the rules regularly, make revisions as needed, and encourage everyone to remain engaged in the process.
Model the habits you want to see: Now that you helped make the rules, you have to follow them too! If we're constantly checking notifications, bringing our phones to the dinner table, or scrolling while our children are trying to tell us about their day, they'll notice. Take an honest look at your own habits, for example, do you check your notifications immediately? Is your phone always within reach? Can your child see you intentionally putting it away? Small changes in your own technology use can send a powerful message about balance and priorities.
Give them the tools to make smart choices: Focus on digital literacy and online safety. Help them to be able to discern if information is true or not. Encourage critical thinking about why posts are made and what filters or editing were involved. Most importantly, get them thinking and talking to you about how content they see makes them feel. If something makes them uncomfortable, what should they do? Ensure that they know what is okay, and not okay, to share online. Talk about what being a good digital citizen looks and sounds like.
Encourage self-reflection and regulation: Rather than constantly monitoring every minute of screentime, help your child develop awareness of how technology affects them.
Questions like these encourage reflection:
For older children and teens:
For younger children:
These conversations help children build self-awareness and self-regulation – skills they'll use long after they've left home.
Focus on connection, not control: When technology becomes a constant source of conflict, it's easy for parents to fall into the role of "technology police." Instead, approach the conversation with curiosity and collaboration. Rather than saying, "Give me your phone."
Try: "Our goal is to make sure your phone is helping you rather than distracting you. Let's figure out a plan together." Boundaries are most effective when they protect the parent-child relationship rather than damage it. Children are much more likely to come to you when something goes wrong online if they know they'll be met with support before punishment.
Technology and social media will continue to evolve, and so will the challenges families face. Rather than trying to change everything at once, choose one or two habits to focus on this school year. Maybe it's charging phones outside the bedroom. Maybe it's making dinner screen-free. Maybe it's having more conversations about what your child enjoys online. Small, consistent changes often have the biggest impact. The goal isn't to raise children who never use phones or social media. The goal is to raise young people who know how to use technology thoughtfully, safely, and in ways that support their learning, relationships, and overall well-being.
Ashlee and Lisa are child psychologists who created KidsConnect Psychology as a place for children and families to access tools, supports, and therapy. Check out our website for digital downloads, parenting tool kits, information about our parent counselling, school consultations, daycare consultations and more! kidsconnectpsychology.com. Follow us on Facebook and Instagram at KidsConnect Psychology.
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